Tag Archives: Production Assistant

How do You Get Work in the Film Industry? You Have to Fucking WORK.

There is a symptom that plagues film school students and those who want to work in the film industry. I know this because I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a lot of film students. That vast majority of them don’t want to work. They don’t want to start at the bottom and crawl their way to the top. They want to make art. Let me tell you something, you want-to-be-filmmakers —

YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL. YOU. YES. YOU.

You’re going to graduate film school and end up switching careers with thousands of dollars in student debt, or work at a local TV station making shitty commercials, or film weddings for the rest of your life. And that’s no one’s fault but yours.

How do you not fail? You work you fucking ass off, that’s how.

I have not made it. Far from it. But I’m a lot further along than the lot of you. And you probably want to be where I am right now. I work for a “big-time” guy in the industry. I frequent film sets during production and have the occasional chat with a celebrity. My scripts are being read “around town”, and I have representation courting me. This is shit I DREAMED about having 7 years ago when I started this blog. I’m STILL not happy with where I am, but that’s another story. THIS story is about how none of this is going to happen to you because you’re a lazy piece of shit.

If you want to work in this industry, you have to be willing to work 18 hours days 6 days a week for minimum wage with an Assistant Director yelling at you over the walkie in front of the entire crew right after you’ve spent the last 2 hours picking up dog shit and used condoms off the side of the road for the art department at 6 in the fucking morning.

If you want to work in this industry, you have to be willing to leave EVERYTHING behind and move to Los Angeles with no money and sleep on a strangers couch that you met on craigslist who smokes weed every day and watches TV until 1 am not letting you get any sleep before you have to wake up at 4am to get to pre-call on set in the middle of sun valley by 6am.

If you want to work in this industry, you have to leave every comfort you know, and jump headfirst into a chaotic environment using equipment you’ve never used before for people you’ve never met before, while all the time trying to prove that you’re the hardest worker in the world so that maybe they will hire you again for the next job.

If you want to work in this industry, you need to be meeting people and spending more time looking for work than actually working because you need to have a job lined up when the current job your working is over.

And then, MAYBE, after you’ve done all this for a few years and find a steady job, you will be able to direct enough shorts or write enough screenplays in your “free time” to get noticed and actually do the shit you really want to be doing out here.

If you’re not willing to do any of this stuff. Then do everyone already working in LA a favor and  GTFO of here so that our commute on these god-forsaken highways is minus one car.

Now get off your lazy piece of shit ass and go do something.

-12pt

Resumes and Curriculum Vitae (For the PA)

Bad-Resume

This article is going to focus on how to tailor your resume for a PRODUCTION ASSISTANT JOB in film or TV only.

What everyone says about this industry is correct — it really is  “who you know” — most of the time your resume is not going to factor into you getting a job. It is more of a formality, as the interview is what will land you the job… but sometimes the resume will land you the interview. Now that I’ve thoroughly confused you, let’s start!

I was recently hiring PAs for a production office —  I would say about 2 out of 10 production assistant resumes didn’t immediately go into the trash pile. When hiring a PA, I only care about two things:

#1: Can you do your job.

#2: Can I stand to be around you for the length of this show.

People don’t give a shit about what your goals are. They don’t give a shit if you went to college. They don’t give a shit about your short film. All they want to know is — do you know how to be a PA?

Look at your resume. If any of this shit on there, take it off.

DON’T INCLUDE

  • Student Films
  • Unrelated Work Experience – No one cares if you worked at Starbucks — and don’t argue that it applies because you’re getting people coffee. If it’s not a job in the industry, take it off.)
  • Anything you Directed or DP’d or any High Level Sounding Job – Why the fuck are you applying for a PA position if you’re a director. No one cares.
  • Career Objective – No one cares.
  • Hobbies – Again, no one cares.
  • References – If they want a reference they’ll ask. 99% of the time they heard about you from someone else anyway.
  • Background – Don’t think the person hiring you, who has probably been working in a production office for longer than you’ve been alive, cares about your background. There is plenty of time for this type of conversation after you’re hired.
  • Interests – Definitely Not.
  • That you Wrote a Screenplay – Seriously, I’m looking at a resume right now where a PA lists a feature screenplay in his work experience. Dude, in what way do you think a Prod. Coord. hiring you to go pick up lunch gives a shit if you’ve written a screenplay?

Now, here is what your resume should include.

INCLUDE

  • Name and Contact Info – Email, phone number, home address.
  • Job History – Show Name, Position, Date of job (if you want), Production Company (this is where you can make it a little sexier by adding in WALT DISNEY STUDIOS or something).

That’s it. Anything else on your resume should go below those two things. Your resume should look like a list. Name and contact on top. Below just a list of all the jobs you’ve done.

Chances are you haven’t worked that much. If you need some padding see below:

PADDING

  • Schooling – No one really cares, but it doesn’t take up much room… and why else did you get a film degree if not to do SOMETHING with it… so put it on the resume. At the bottom.
  • Skills – A producer friend of mine says he likes it when skills are listed on a resume. It doesn’t take up much room. But it’s where you can list appropriate skills like Microsoft Office Suite, Adobe Suite, Scenechronize, Final Draft, Final Cut, Avid… etc. This is more relevant for a non-set PA job. You can even put MAC and PC… If you know how to hook up network printers on Macs AND PCs you instantly become like a god-figure in the office. Same with knowing the ins and outs of how to use an iPhone ( a lot of technologically impaired people work in production).
  • Internships – Unlike student films and your own shorts, an internship can basically be a non-paid PA job.  Internship is an easily dismissible word, when the experience you gained shouldn’t be dismissed. I would just change the job title “internship” into whatever job you were doing  — Office PA, producer’s assistant, development assistant… Looks better and it’s basically the same exact job, you were just getting school credit instead of being paid.
  • Job Descriptions – You can add this stuff if you’re seriously lacking in things to put on your resume. Just a few bullet points under every job. Try to not be monotonous.

DESIGN

  • Make your resume clear and easy to read – You won’t believe how many people’s resumes look like a jumbled mess of text. Nobody wants to read — they want to SCAN! I should look at your resume and know in 1 second if I’m putting you in the consider pile or the trash. If I have to read too much… sorry buddy. You might now be thinking, “Why is this guy so lazy and disgruntled? He’s going to pass on a qualified applicant just because they have “too much text” on the page?” Dude … when you work in a production office hiring PAs, you literally have about 100 resumes to go through in an hour. I’m not reading your fucking wall of text. If it takes a wall of text for me to realize your talent, you’re doing it wrong. You get a quick glance.
  • Keep your resume ONE PAGE  – You’ve done 40 jobs? Pick the sexiest looking ones. I shouldn’t have to turn the page when looking through your resume. No seriously… keep it one page.
  • Portrait View – Seriously… a landscape resume? Don’t. Ever.
  • Make Font Bigger – A larger font is easier to read, and stands out more. Even just bumping the standard 12pt to 14pt is a nice touch.
  • A Little Color Never Hurt Anyone – Even using greys with black looks better than a simple black text resume, and it’s non-color printer safe.
  • Too Much Color Hurts Everyone – If it looks like a teletubby took a shit on your resume — I will burn it.

IN CLOSING

People in a hiring position only want to know that YOU know what you’re doing. And the best way to persuade them is by showing that you’ve done the job before. So if you’re looking for set PA work — stack your resume with Set PA jobs. They’ll take one look at it and see SET PA, SET PA, SET PA, SET PA. “Great! Bring ’em in for an interview.” If they have to navigate through your resume like pans fucking labyrinth — you’re on a fast track to the trash.

[UPDATE]

Download a simple PA resume template here!

12PTRESUMETEMPLATE082714-page-001Also check out:

TIPS FOR A PA: How to Roll Calls aka Answering Phones for Newbs

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One of the main responsibilities of an Office PA is to roll calls. You have a phone on your desk with many buttons (and every fucking phone is different and way more complicated than it needs to be) and it rings all day long. The thought of answering phones when I started office PAing was honestly terrifying. Not only did I have the fear of not knowing what I was doing — I had the fear of  not knowing what I was doing in front of a bunch of people. When you’re in a production office, generally all the PA’s are set up in a bullpen. No cubicle dividers — just a room full of desks. So everyone can hear everything you say.  It was scary… but a completely unjustified fear. Answering phones is one of the easiest things in the world. Suffice to say, I learned fast. So here are some tips.

You’re sitting at your desk. The phones ring. Pick it up as fast as possible. If possible don’t let it ring more than once. Answer. “Production, this is [Insert Name Here].” Some people just answer with “Production”. But I like to let people know who they’re talking to.

One of the first things you should do if you’re on a new phone system is figure out how to transfer a call. Like I said, every phone is different. There are two types of transfers. Blind Transfers and Consult Transfers. A blind transfer simply transfers one call to another phone. A consult transfer transfers you first so you can say, “So and So is on the line, would you like me to put them through?” and they will either say, “Yes”, and you complete the transfer, or, “No, take a message”. You usually only have to do this if it’s someone important… or if you’re transferring out to someone’s cell.  If someone is calling for another department — just blind transfer. No need to consult. 

So someone calls and you answer the phone, person on the other line says, “Hello, can I talk to so and so”. If it’s another department, simply say “Yes, please hold.”  and blind transfer them to the extension on the phone list.  If they’re asking for someone in your department (Apoc, Poc, another PA, etc) you can probably just put them on hold and tell that person what line they’re on. E.g. “Hey, Jess, So and So is on Line 1 for you.”

9000 times out of 10 the person on the other line will say “Hi, can I speak to so and so?” Without giving their name or why they’re calling.  If it’s for another department… just transfer them over. But if it’s for someone in production — you need to find out two things. Who they are, and why they’re calling.

“Yes, may I ask who’s calling please?”  If it’s a name you recognize or know to be important, it’s probably okay to just walk up to the person in your department and be like, “So and So is on the line for you.” But if it’s someone you don’t recognize you need to be all like, “May I ask what the call is regarding.” I had so much trouble with this when I started out. How do you ask someone why they’re calling without sounding like a little shit. You can’t just ask, “Why are you calling?” It just sounds bad. So asking what the call is regarding seems to be the best way to ask that question.

Also if the dude doesn’t have the name John Smith and you’re not exactly sure what he said… a good way to find out what his name is, is by asking “Can you spell your first and last name for me, please?” That why when you tell the producer that Moises Trajicomahetmetet is calling for him, he actually knows who you’re talking about. It’s very important to get names right. Double checking with the person on the phone is way less embarrassing than getting the name wrong while talking to the producer.  DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS ON THE PHONE. Get the information down correctly. Get their name spelt right. If the dude on the other end of the phone is an irritated piece of shit, it’s not like they can reach through the phone and strangle you. Remember, you’re just doing your job. Get the name right. Ask what the call is regarding, and then place them on hold.

Same thing for taking messages. Name. Who they’re with. Why they’re calling. Note down the date and time, and ALWAYS ask for a callback number. Unless it’s a person you know is very familiar to the person they’re calling, always ask something along the lines of “And what number can you be reached at?” Even if you know the person you’re giving the message to has their number, you’ll save them the time to look it up.

That’s all I can think of about phones at the moment. There is always 3 way calling and conference calling… but every phone is different so I can’t really tell you how to do that.

I hate phones.

Working for No Pay Part 3

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Just stumbled on a new reader question that I feel like addressing in a post.

…what is a reasonable amount of PA work to be doing gratis before you can expect to be paid? I don’t want to shoot down opportunities but at the same feel like I am being used. Is this something negotiated before hand? Does it depend on budget? I worked 35 hours on a 3 day shoot thinking I was getting paid and then I didnt. I even paid out of pocket for lunch and didnt get reimbursed. They want me to work for them again and say it wont be paid (a pretty decent sized indie studio). I told them I would do it but expect to be paid in the future. Am I out of line? Am I burning bridges? Did I shoot myself in the foot? The whole if you wont do it, someone else will line is getting old. People have to live. People have to pay bills. I cant keep working for free, can I?

– Josh

Okay. So I wrote briefly a while back about DOING free jobs to get noticed. And then a little while later I did a quick follow-up about being WARY of free jobs.  I’m going to go a little deeper.

I would ONLY take free work if you know there is a high possibility that it could get you paid work in the future. I’ve only worked for free 5 times. I will lay them out here.

1. The very first job I took in LA was a non paid 2 day job on a music video. I knew somebody working for a production company out here and they told me “Hey, the production company is super over budget on this music video and are looking for some free labor. I know you just moved out here and are looking for work. These guys do a lot of work. If you work your ass off for free I’m sure you’ll get noticed and get more work.” …or she said something along those lines.  It was my first week in LA and I didn’t know anyone… so what the hell. I took the job, worked my ass off for free, and it TOTALLY paid off. I ended up getting about $900 worth of work from the same producer the next week on two more shoots. Which then led me to getting work with their company doing freelance shoots up until the now. Last shoot I did with them was a few months ago. I also networked my ass off and got work later down the road from the Set Dresser and the Production Designer as an Art PA. So… I did this job because A). I didn’t have anything to lose. B). It was the first and only opportunity I had to get on set. C). My friend who worked there told me there was a good chance I would get paid work if I proved myself.

2. The second free job I did was a 3 day super low-budget TV pilot. I had already been working freelance a bit and another friend I met in the industry shot me an email. Basically he knew an AD that was going into production on a big hour-long network drama in the fall. So he got me in contact with her 2nd AD. The 2nd AD told me they were shooting this low-budget pilot for a friend (they were all working for free… even the ADs.) And if I came and worked on it, it could be like my interview. If I proved myself, I could become a candidate for a PA position on the show. So, of course, I took the free 3 day job. Long story short — They got a few political hires (producer’s nephew or something) and hired another one of the PAs I was working with for free… who was a girl. Girl ADs… wanting to hire Girl PAs… I feel like they stick together in this industry. But in the PAs defense, she was one of the best PAs I’ve ever met. A god damn super PA. You’ll know a super PA when you meet them. They carry like tool belts and shit. You can’t compete with them. Anyway… I didn’t get the job. Months later I got a call from the ADs wanting me to day play a few days on the network drama. So I did that. It was a miserable couple days. And I haven’t heard from them since. BUT! A few months after that, the DIRECTOR of the super low-budget free pilot I worked on called me up. (I had kept in contact with her. NETWORK!) Turns out she was an AD as well… on another big network half hour comedy. So — I got a few day playing days as a SET PA with her… Then one day she called me up because there was an OFFICE PA out sick. So I lied and said that I had been an office PA before (first… and only time I have lied while trying to get work… i just don’t like to do it… but it paid off). So I came in. Was super terrified about answering phones, but got over it quick. (fake it til you make it). Then I became the go-to day playing office PA for the show. (Every time one of their office PAs was sick or had jury duty they would call me to come in). Then the coordinator from that show (who I will call Coord. A) hooked me up with a coordinator friend of hers (who I will call Coord. B) who was working on another pilot. I did that show. Then Coord B. hooked me up with a coordinator friend of hers (who I will call Coord. C), and I went down to Atlanta and worked on movie with her… and now I’m back in LA working on another pilot with Coord. B.  CANT YOU SEE NOW THAT THIS INDUSTRY IS ALL ABOUT MEETING PEOPLE! Anyway. I guess that free job paid off. It didn’t pay off the way I wanted it to at first… but it definitely paid off in the end. I took that free job because A). There was a chance I could get a PA job on a big network drama.

3. The third free job I took was a First A.D. job for a super small Funny or Die video. No one was getting paid. I did it because a friend asked me to. A friend who had gotten me work in the past. You have to do favors in the industry. You don’t want to be the guy only asking for stuff and never returning.

4. Fourth free job. Also First A.D. on a short film for a friend. Again, favors.

5. Fifth free job. Set PA. Favor. Friend.

So there you have it. Only  take a free job if you think it’s going to help you in the long run. Personally to me… it sounds like these guys are fucking you over. If you feel like you’re getting fucked over… you probably are. Go with your gut man. That’s all I can tell you. But think about your options as well. If they’re not going to pay you… but you have no paid work… are you still willing to work for free to make contacts and get experience? If so, do it. But look for more work in the meantime. And the second some paid work comes in, leave them. Just say, “I appreciate the opportunity, but I have to take this paid job, I’m sure you understand.” And if they don’t understand, fuck ’em. And… unfortunately… if you don’t do it. Someone else will do it. But then they’re the ones getting fucked over.

P.S. — and as far as the “Is this something negotiated before hand? Does it depend on budget?” 99% of budgets include paying PAs. And yes… it is negotiated beforehand. How you ask? Easy “Is it paid?” You say. “Yes” They say. That’s it. Feel free to ask how much. It will be anywhere from 112-250 a day. Usually more on the 112 side of things.  And if this company led you to believe you were going to be paid… and then didn’t… fuck them. Fuck them forever.

Summer Lovin’

First day of Summer is tomorrow!

Summer used to be the best shit ever. No school. No responsibilities. Kick back. Party. Something about those hot summer nights… they were dangerous. One could have too much fun.

Now when I think of summer, I think of having to sit in hot traffic on my way to work. I think of sitting in an office filled with fluorescent lighting and the never ending ringing of phones. And when I’m in said office, all I can think about is going to the beach. Which is funny, because I live near the beach… and I never go. But when I’m in the office… I think of the fucking beach.

But anyway… the reason I’m posting.

I remember back when I was an avid reader of TAPA’s blog it came to a point where he would stop posting very often… sometimes months on end. This made me sad. I was scared he had been ousted and forced to stop posting. Or had died. Or was going to abandon his website… (which he eventually did). So, even though this site is not nearly as popular as his (but for some reason I am still receiving over 100 hits a day) I don’t want to leave any of my readers thinking I’m dead. So here I am — making this obligatory post telling you that I am alive.

I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been working non-stop since the end of March. Hopped on an Office PA job for all of April and now I’m out of state working as an Editorial PA… which is pretty awesome. I get a little break from the HELL that is production. I’ll be back in LA mid July looking for my next gig. Just in time for 110 degree weather on the 405! *Stabs neck repeatedly with pen*

I wasn’t able to finish my screenplay in time for the Nicholl Fellowship due to work… but fear not. I have some other things on the horizon. Hopefully I’ll be able write back with some good news soon. If not… I’ll try… and try again.

We’re currently in that time of the year when screenplay contests begin announcing their winners. I want to wish all you budding screenwriters the greatest of luck… and if you don’t become a finalist, I leave you with this quote.

“Failure is a badge of honor. It means you risked failure.” – Charlie Kaufman

Beware The Ides of March!

Three posts in one day! NO WAYOMG.

No idea why I named this post that. I hope bad things aren’t going to happen. I definitely hope I don’t get stabbed 23 times. That would just put a real downer on the beginning of 2012. Even getting stabbed 1 time would pretty much be horrible.

I know I said I would post what I decided to write soon after the holidays. Unfortunately January became a freak out month cause I couldn’t find any work. But I survived again… somehow. Then in February something amazing happened. I worked my first feature! 18 days of ass busting work. Three 6-day weeks consisting of about 75 hours of work per week. It was hell, and I was so loving it. My AD’s were basically training me to be a PA god… and I learned a whole lot. I’m sure I have material for more PA articles now

I came out here to work on features… and I definitely want to work another one. The entire crew was amazing… which is rare. There are usually those one or two people you wish would die in a car wreck on the way to work one morning… Not on this feature. Everyone was a joy. Anyway… that is over now… and the money is almost gone already. Time to look for more work.

On a good note I had some time to really think about writing, and I’ve decided to start working on a dark comedy I’ve been brewing for a while. The feature I worked on was low budget. It probably was in the $1Mil range. I got to see what one could do with a million dollars. Most of the features I’ve been brewing would cost a shit load of money to produce — not usually a good way to break into the industry as a new writer. So I’ve decided to get this dark comedy finished because:

  • It doesn’t have many lead actors
  • It doesn’t have many locations
  • It doesn’t have any HUGE set pieces
  • It could probably be shot low budget and still be awesome.

I feel something like this could sell way easier than my screenplay about a futuristic medieval zombie apocalypse, or the earth building a spaceship to meet the source of an alien message. Even though my heart is set on epic… I need to get to that point somehow. So I’m going to try and be epically low budget out of the gate. I could be going at this completely wrong, but it’s where my head is at.

I hit my first act break today and magically landed right on page 25. That is pretty much an awesome coincidence. I’m writing a vomit draft… so it’s nothing but a crazy person’s thoughts on paper at this point… and the first act break still landed on 25. That makes me happy. I’m going the right direction with this shit, I can feel it.

I’ve been in a caffeine induced haze all day playing make believe and talking with people that don’t exist. Thus the life of a writer. So now I’m going to drink a lot of beer.

I’ll let you know how this venture goes someday in the future. Until then… beware the ides of March!!!

What Kind of Jobs Do You Get From Being a PA?

I know I’ve been neglecting this blog. My most humble apologies. Things have been crazy. Trying to find work. Moving into a new apartment. Trying to pay my bills. Surviving my crazy move to LA. I’ve been here for a little over 4 months now and I am slowly settling in. It’s been an adventure so far, and I promise I’ll continue my life updates shortly! But for now here is my once a month post… 🙁

A reader has a question.

Reader Question:

Hey, I’m a senior year in college pursuing a degree in Communications with an emphasis in Entertainment Studies. As of now I have yet to decide which area of the Film Industry I’d like to work in and in research came across your blog & had a few questions if you don’t mind. First, I have many interests in the field & have been trying to find one to focus my efforts into. My front runner right now is Casting & I was wondering if you knew anything about how Casting is ran or any tips on getting into that area? My other question is about P.A.’s, & what are the different career paths they lead to? Also, how long do most people work as a P.A. before moving on to something else? Would you recommend working as a P.A.?
Thanks for your time!

 

-Keri

Thanks for the question Keri!

I honestly don’t know much about the casting department. As I said in my last article on PA’s, you can be a Set PA, and Art PA, an Office PA, a Writer’s PA, and yes, even a Casting PA.  Just about every department can have a PA depending on how big the show is. If you want to get into casting I suggest learning as much about it as possible, and trying really hard to get in contact with a Casting Director or Agency and ask about becoming an assistant in that department. Again, it’s all about who you know. Make some contacts in that department and let everyone know what job you want, and eventually someone will (hopefully) hire you. You have to be proactive.

What kind of Career path’s do PA’s go into? It all depends on what department you WANT to go into. If you want to be an AD (assistant director) you can work your ass off as a Set PA and learn as much as possible about being an AD. Eventually you can start getting jobs as a non-union 2nd 2nd AD, then a 2nd AD, then a 1st AD. Once you have enough days on set you can get into the DGA and make the big bucks.

Basically, a PA doesn’t get you any job. Being a PA just helps you learn about the industry by working IN it. It’s an entry-level position. What you do WHILE working as a PA is what counts. You want to work in the Art Department and become Props or a Set Dresser? Meet the art department on set as a PA and let them know. Then work your ass off and stay in contact with them. Maybe they’ll call you to be an Art PA. Then eventually you can start doing Set Dressing with them once you’ve learned enough about the Art Department by being a PA.

You want to be a Grip? While working as a PA talk to the grip guys and let them know. You want to work in Camera? Meet camera people. A PA only becomes what they want to become, and what they work hard to become. It’s not a position that naturally gets promoted into another position.

How long does someone stay as a PA? That also depends on the person. There are PA’s out there who are PA’s FOREVER. You only get promoted when you actively try to learn other departments and move into another position. I’ve been working as a PA for 4 months and every time I’m on set I let the 2nd AD know that I’ve run talent before and worked as a 2nd 2nd before, so they give me more responsibility. I’ve already done a non-union commercial out here as a 2nd AD. But if I want to join the DGA, I could be working as a PA or Non-Union AD for years before that happens.

The short answer. While working as a PA find what department you want to work in and let everyone know. Meet and stay in contact with as many people in that department until they give you a job.

Would I recommend working as a PA? Only if you’re serious about working in the Industry. Being a PA honestly sucks ass. It’s not a fun job. You’re on set before everyone else, and you’re the last to leave. You’re the last to eat lunch. You’re usually working non stop for 12-16 hours. If you sit down you get yelled at. Don’t dare use your phone while working. You are a machine that does what you’re told without question. The only reason I’m doing this is because I love the field I’m working in, and I have a strong desire to move up. Nobody likes being a PA, but it’s necessary to get where you want to go.

Now I have to go to bed because I have another 12 hour day tomorrow.

Until next time…

Life Update: Befriend the Bitches

After not having work for 4 weeks, and then getting a brutal job and spending a week in severe pain, and then working a commercial shoot were I experienced some bitching, I got offered a crazy job that lasted me a week and a half. It was hell, and irritating, and awesome all at the same time.

Something happened on that shoot, that I’ve noticed on other shoots since then. When some people are under extreme amounts of stress, they can be highly volatile and hard to be around. In fact, one may say that they become downright horrible to be around. When encountering these unfavorable people, it is man’s first instinct to react to unfriendly/bitchy behavior with equal or greater unfriendly/bitchy behavior. I suggest a new approach. Be friendly/stay out of their way.

When you’re a friend to the unfriendly, you could soon become “the only person that bitch likes”. People will warm up to you eventually — in most cases. Also, as I have experienced, when you meet them in a less stressful situation, E.g. The Wrap Party, they can be quite pleasant and surprisingly fun to be around.

In a nutshell, Don’t judge a book by its — 6am “I haven’t had my coffee we have to shoot way more coverage than we have daylight and my in-laws are staying at my house” — cover.

Also. Happy 4th of motherfucking July! Meat, Beer, and Fireworks. America!

Life Update: Keep in Shape

A little while back I wrote an article on not having work for 4 weeks. I was going crazy. I sent out a shit ton of emails letting people know I was available. Nothing was coming up… until. BAM! I got a job. It was a one day gig. If I only knew what I had just booked…

Arrived on set at 10am. On a beach. “Alright” I said, “This could be interesting”. Interesting indeed. I worked my ass off harder than I’ve ever worked in my entire life. It was fucking brutal. I got in my car to drive home at 6am. That’s right. 10am-6am with two 30 min meal breaks. 20 hours on set. Welcome to Hollywood.

The worst part was that I had just gone 4 weeks doing absolutely nothing. Sitting in my computer chair working on websites, writing, and playing video games. That’s like, 4 weeks of atrophy, to running on the beach for 20 hours. I really hurt myself. Bad idea. When I got out of the car after driving home I literally couldn’t walk without locking my knees. Climbing up stairs wasn’t accomplished without searing pain. The next week was spent sleeping for 12 hours a day and overloading on pain killers. It was bad. To this day, 7 weeks later, my knees are still a little fucked. After a long day on set I can really start to feel the pain again.

So my first bit of advice. Keep in shape. I don’t care what you have to do. Go for walks, go jogging once or twice a week. Just keep your legs in good shape so you don’t do something stupid like I did. Now I’m just hoping I don’t have chronic knee pain for the rest of my life.

Don’t Be a Bitch Part II: Coffee Run Woes

Make sure you check out part 1 of the Dont Be a Bitch series.

If you see the Director or Producers walking around with a special cup of coffee, that means there was a coffee run and YOU WEREN’T INCLUDED. So fucking deal with it. Don’t bitch about it. Even if bitching will eventually get you your special brew, you’re still that guy who was bitching on set. But “it’s not fair!” Yeah, OK, you know what else isn’t fair? The producers day rate compared to yours. He probably secured the budget that got him that coffee in the first place. Now you’re the guy making him spend more money so that your below-the-line ass can have a double machiato frapawhataver. You also take up the AD’s time to send a lucky PA(me) on another coffee run. You see that brown box on the craft service table? That’s called a traveler. That’s what you drink out of. When you decide to become a producer or director, you can have special coffee also.

Lesson? Don’t be a bitch.