Midpoint Land and Fuck March.

I’ve had Final Draft open all day and literally haven’t written a god damn word. I open up the program periodically (between aimlessly scrolling thorough my Facebook feed and browsing Reddit until my eyes bleed) hoping that the exact moment my screenplay pops up the gods of wit and humor will shove a lightening bolt up my ass and my mind will spew greatness all over the place. It hasn’t happened yet, so now I’m writing on this blog for the sole purpose of not going completely insane.

Remember back when I said I hope March doesn’t end up being a bad month? Well let me break it down for you. March has been fucking horrible. I’ve worked 3 out of 19 days. I thought this was the busy time of the year? Last month, in fucking February — the shortest month of the year — I was working a feature pulling out 6 day weeks and turning down multiple jobs. Who killed all the job fairies? Work for me is like having a girlfriend. When you’re single, no one fucking cares. When you’re dating, every girl and her mother is checkin’ you out with husky and buttery eyes.

The only good part of not working is the fact that I get so incredibly bored (yesterday I watched the ENTIRE season of Spartacus: Blood and Sand, wtf) I start doing crazy things like actually working on my screenplay. Which so far has got me to churn out a wonderful 49 pages.  *Pauses and sips cold coffee out of a bowl* That’s right. I started drinking coffee out of bowls. I’m just going to blame it on Food + Lab WeHo. I know, it’s kinda weird at first. You’re all like “Coffee in a bowl? How do I drink this?” You drink it like soup without a spoon, and it’s awesome. Maybe when I ate at Food Lab they were just being lazy and ran out of mugs, I don’t know. But I feel like this is what it must have felt like to discover the wheel. Maybe not as important, but somewhere in the same realm of awesome. Now I’m rambling all because I —

— am hitting midpoint land in my screenplay and am dreading writing the next scene. There. I said it. I enjoy writing scenes that have to do with people hunting zombies in the woods, or the awkward hilarity that ensues when a couple must break into a morgue to steal a dead lady’s finger. But I have now come to the point in this particular story where my lead obtains a false victory by falling in love, exploring new freedom, and doing what every modern-day couple does on their first date — get trashed off wine and have wild sex. My whole screenplay so far has mostly just been negativity and crazy shit. Now I actually have to give my lead a decent time and I can’t do it. If I can enjoy the movie Lost in Translation, I can write a funny yet meaningful date scene.  So. This is what I’m going to do.

JUST FUCKING WRITE IT.

3 thoughts on “Midpoint Land and Fuck March.”

  1. One piece of advice: when suffering such a block, get up and away from that keyboard — take a long walk or perform some other physically meditative activity for an hour or so. Get your creative mind out of bondage in the trench you’ve been assiduously digging and let it run with the wind for a while.

    Yeah I know, you’ve heard this cliche a million times, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. “And how would a juicer know this?” you might ask. Good point, but when not toiling below decks on yet another Hollywood slave ship, I’ve spent a lot of time at the keyboard over the past twenty years. Almost everything I know about writing came from the arduous process of crafting a novel — first puking up a horrendously over-written and much-too-long first draft, then gradually whittling away everything that didn’t belong. Except for the fun parts — the fight scenes, chases, and other action stuff — it was all hard work for five long drafts. I got stuck in deep sand a lot. I’d fight it at first, following Wallace Stegner’s sage advice to “Stay in the chair,” but eventually my eyeballs would start oozing down my face into those keys, and I’d have to stop.

    That’s when I’d take a walk — and miracle of miracles, every damned time I did that, the solution to whatever plot or dialog conundrum that had me stumped would pop unbidden into my head. Problem solved, I’d hoof it back home and resume work.

    Another little trick I employed was to quit every day while slightly ahead — having started a passage I already knew how to finish, then leaving it for the following morning to give myself a running start on the next day’s work.

    Screenplays, novels, short stories or whatever, writing is a bitch — except when it’s not. Maybe that’s why we do it.

    Good luck…

  2. Coffee out of a bowl? That’s f-ng great.
    Earmark that for something a weird character does at some point later in another script you write…I like it.

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