Two years ago I packed up everything I owned into a ’94 Honda Accord and drove 2,118 miles to California in pursuit of a job in the film industry. I had $800 in my pocket (half of which I spent on gas and a couple cheap hotels). I knew two people working in LA, I had a couch to sleep on, and I was determined to make this shit happen.
It’s been two years to the day since I arrived in LA. I got those jobs. Worked hard. Made friends. And I moved from PA, to Producer’s Assistant, to Producer on a daytime talk show. I still drive that ’94 Honda, but I’m no longer sleeping on a couch. I have now upgraded to bed status. And damn it feels good. But I don’t feel like I’ve arrived.
The other day I went to a screening for a movie I worked on last summer. My heart was pounding as the credits started to roll. Then I saw it. For the first time. My name, in the credits of a feature film, in a theater. It was an eye-opening experience. This is what I came out here for. This is the pay off. Watching the film I helped create. This is why I went to film school. This is why I drove to LA. This is why I am here. My mouth agape, a lightening bolt hit me in the face. “I have to get out of daytime TV.”
I hate stepping backwards. I am a producer now. I have that title. But daytime TV and feature film development are two completely different beasts. If I am going to jump over to feature world, I’m going to have to get an assistant job. But the longer I wait, the harder it will be. It needs to happen before I get too comfortable. Before I get a raise. So I have to step backwards. And I have to do it now.
I would rather make the jump and fail, or find out I hate it, than never do it all. If I don’t try I will regret it for the rest of my life. And if it’s something I want to do, I guess it’s not really a step backwards. Maybe in title, maybe in pay… but I’d be working where I feel I’m supposed to work. And what is happiness if not the feeling you’re working towards your goals.
So as 12ptCourier.com turns 3 years old… this is where my adventure has taken me, and I’ve figured out where I need to go next.